Sunday, May 16, 2010

My femaleness is exploding!!!

I've been told several times in my life that I'm "not like other girls". It's not that I'm magical, I mean, don't get me wrong, I'm pretty cool, but my breasts don't shoot lasers and I wasn't chosen to slay the vampires. I'm only human, but when it comes to "typical" female things, I sometimes deviate from the path. I prefer Futurama and It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia to Sex and the City or Will and Grace. I love pearls and high heels, but I rarely wear them. I live in leggings and t-shirts at home. I would NEVER wear leggings as pants in public (for one thing, they are clearly NOT pants. And for another, I get that they're comfortable, fat girls, but really? You're making it worse). Ugg boots make me want to punch girls in their babymakers. I think all things butt-related are HILARIOUS. I try to avoid drama, especially at work. I am the opposite of a social butterfly. Babies make me uncomfortable (with a few exceptions). Yes, I can be overly emotional, but I tend to reserve those moments for people I really trust and care about. I hate when strangers can see me cry.


The BF and I were walking around downtown Ann Arbor, after an amazing lunch at Grizzly Peak, talking and laughing, having a grand old time. Up ahead we hear music playing and see some college kids filming something down an alley. As we get closer, we see that it's a homeless man dancing to Michael Jackson. I mean he was gettin down with his bad self. It looked like a for real choreographed routine. Everyone was super into it, taking pictures, watching this guy. The BF and I stopped an watched for a minute or two and then as we walked away the BF commented on that guy having a great time. "I thought it was kind of sad" I said AS I BURST INTO TEARS.


Why did I have this reaction? What is going on? HAS THE WORLD SPUN OFF ITS AXIS??

Normal people see a guy dancing his heart out on a beautiful Spring day and think:

But apparently, when I see the same thing, I cry like a baby.

Am I going to start thinking The Real Housewives of Orange County is compelling? Will I demand diamonds from the bf? OH GOD. Will I start buying t-shirts that say things like Princess and You Say I'm a Bitch Like It's a Bad Thing instead of Hit Girl and Planet Express? HAS GLENN BECK SOMEHOW MURDERED MY COMMON SENSE AND DECENCY? My brain cells are turning to mush and I'm going to become a conservative moron who thinks dancing is the work of satan.

Dear gods, this cannot happen. I MUST PRESERVE MY SCATHING WIT.

Off to find a cure...


  1. Uhh.. That MJ dancing guy is not homeless.
    Why did you assume that?

  2. I think this incident just makes your "scathing wit" that much more legitimate.

    Let it be proven that your cynicism does have it's limits!!

    This shit just happens to us. When women refuse to expose themselves to any Nicholas Sparks books and films, we compensate with tears elsewhere. Remember that one time I burst into tears at work because a boy had Zac Hanson arms? Okayyyyyyy.

    Plus, I think you're cute when you cry. (that's right people, she's done it before!

  3. Anonymous - I suppose I assumed that because his clothes were filthy and he was dancing in an alley? I doubt I'm the first person to make that leap.

    Laura - LOBE.